After 40+ Years of Anxiety, I Finally Realized How to Work With It – My Journey to Healing and Peace
By Deirdre Arato, M.Ed, LPC, NCC
At 55 years old, after decades of personal development, therapy, and self-help work, I asked myself a hard question:
“Why am I still struggling with anxiety, fear, doubt, and worry—even after everything I’ve done to heal?”
This question led me to a powerful realization—one that finally connected all the dots. If you’ve been on a lifelong healing journey but still feel stuck in anxiety or emotional overwhelm, this might resonate deeply with you.
The Truth About My Anxiety: It Was Never Just About the Present
For years, I thought anxiety was something I could "fix" with enough knowledge, meditation, and mindset work. I invested countless hours into learning new skills, strategies, and coping techniques, thinking that eventually, it would just go away. But no matter how much I did the work, the anxiety still lingered.
One day, I paused and asked myself, “If I’m still feeling this way, what is this anxiety still trying to tell me that I’m not getting?”
That was the turning point.
Putting the Pieces of the Puzzle Together
When I asked myself that question, I began to see something that I had missed all along. Despite all the self-improvement techniques, the work I’d done on myself, and the therapy I’d gone through, there was still something I hadn’t fully addressed—the unhealed wounds from my childhood, specifically my deep-seated need for external comfort.
As a child, when I felt emotionally unsafe, I turned to physical symptoms, hypochondria, and anxiety to seek external validation and reassurance. I had learned to cope with emotional neglect by seeking comfort from others, especially from doctors, or by focusing on physical ailments to feel nurtured and seen.
This subconscious pattern still played out in my adult life, even though I thought I had healed. Anxiety wasn’t just a mental problem; it was a response born out of my nervous system seeking external regulation, as it always had.
Hypochondria: A Subconscious Cry for Emotional Regulation
In a world where emotional safety didn’t exist, my subconscious found a way to cope: hypochondria and anxiety. Whenever I felt sick, I received what I rarely got otherwise—nurturing, attention, and momentary protection.
Being “sick” became my only path to feeling seen. It was how my mind and body tried to regulate emotions that had nowhere else to go.
Over time, this pattern solidified. My nervous system learned that anxiety was the only way to get relief. And so, even into adulthood, I found myself stuck in the same loop—seeking reassurance from doctors, obsessing over symptoms, and fearing the worst.
Why Healing From Anxiety Isn’t Just Mental
One of the biggest misconceptions about healing anxiety is that it’s all in your head. But for many of us, anxiety is stored in the nervous system, shaped by years of emotional neglect, abandonment, and survival-mode living.
I didn’t just feel anxious. I was anxiety—because my entire system had never been taught how to feel safe.
The Wake-Up Call: Realizing I Can No Longer Outsource My Healing
Another hard truth hit me recently: The external systems I relied on—especially the medical system—can’t give me the safety I once sought.
As I grew more disillusioned with doctors and surface-level treatments, I was forced to go inward. It was terrifying—but also liberating.
I realized: the only person who can truly choose me, protect me, and regulate my emotions now… is me.
Shifting from Fear to Faith: Surrendering Control and Aligning with My Soul
The biggest shift I had to make was moving from a place of fear and control to one of faith and surrender. For so long, I tried to manage my anxiety by controlling everything around me—seeking reassurance from others, trying to "fix" myself, and constantly looking for external validation. But I’ve learned that true healing doesn’t come from control; it comes from surrendering to what is and allowing space for the body, mind, and soul to realign.
I stopped focusing so much on my body’s sensations and began to focus on soul alignment. I realized that anxiety wasn’t a disease to be cured, but an opportunity to reconnect with the deeper parts of myself that had been neglected. By aligning with my soul’s needs instead of obsessing over physical symptoms, I’ve been able to regain a sense of peace and trust in the process.
Turning Inward: Self-Soothing Instead of Seeking External Comfort
Now, when the anxiety hits or I feel that familiar physical discomfort, I pause. I don’t panic. I don’t rush to the doctor or search for reassurance. Instead, I tell myself that these physical sensations are nothing more than my subconscious trying to signal that it still doesn’t feel safe—that it’s time to turn inward and realign.
This simple yet powerful shift is a reminder that healing doesn’t come from seeking external comfort but from learning how to self-soothe, to trust myself, and to create a sense of safety within my own being.
When I feel anxious, I no longer need to run outward for relief. I’ve learned to anchor myself and soothe my nervous system by returning to my own center. It’s not always easy, but with practice, it’s become a more natural response.
What Healing Looks Like Now: Reparenting My Inner Child
Today, I’m learning to reparent the little girl who never felt safe, loved, or prioritized. I remind her:
You were never broken.
Your anxiety made sense.
You don’t have to fight for attention anymore.
You are protected, chosen, and enough—just as you are.
This isn’t easy work, and it’s far from over. But for the first time, I understand what my anxiety was really trying to tell me all along: “See me. Protect me. Love me.”
And now, I do.
Final Thoughts: You’re Not Broken—You’re Healing
If you’re someone who has done all the work and still finds yourself struggling with anxiety, I want you to know this:
You are not failing.
You are not weak.
You are not broken.
You are healing layers of trauma that were never your fault. And the journey inward—though painful—is the path back home to yourself.
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