The Deadly Silence: Why Men Experiencing Abuse Are Still Not Being Heard
We rightly support the Me Too movement. It broke silence, exposed abuse, and shifted culture.
But there is a truth we still avoid:
Men are being abused too.
And their silence is killing them.
As a trauma therapist, I have sat across from countless men whose lives unraveled not because the abuse just happened—but because they carried it alone for years. By the time they spoke, the damage had already reached their nervous systems, careers, relationships, and sense of self.
This is the deadly silence no one talks about.
Men Experience Domestic Violence—Nationally and Internationally
This is not rare. And it is not isolated to one country.
United States
Recent CDC data shows:
Nearly half of men report lifetime exposure to intimate partner violence, sexual violence, or stalking
About 1 in 10 men report serious trauma-related impacts such as fear, PTSD symptoms, and ongoing safety concerns
International Data
National crime surveys from countries such as England and Wales show:
Men make up approximately 40% of domestic abuse victims
Over 18% of men report lifetime partner abuse
6–7% of men report abuse within the past year
Globally, population-based studies consistently find that men represent between one-third and one-half of intimate partner violence victims, yet remain significantly under-recognized and under-supported.
Men Are Also Sexually Harassed at Work
Sexual harassment against men is far more common than most people realize.
Over 40% of men report experiencing sexual harassment or sexual assault at some point in their lives
Workplace-specific research shows approximately 13% of men report sexual harassment at work
Yet only about 1 in 5 formal sexual-harassment complaints are filed by men.
Nearly half of all harassment complaints involve retaliation, reinforcing fear and silence.
Why Men Don’t Report Abuse
Men don’t stay silent because nothing happened.
They stay silent because reporting feels unsafe.
Research and clinical experience show men fear:
Not being believed
Being ridiculed or emasculated
Retaliation or job loss
Losing access to their children
Being labeled the aggressor
Social norms around masculinity—combined with limited male-focused support—keep men quiet even when the harm is severe.
When Men Do Report, the System Can Turn Against Them
Recent research shows male victims often experience:
Dismissive or unhelpful responses from police and domestic-violence systems
Fear of being arrested or misidentified as the primary aggressor
Legal and institutional responses that unintentionally punish them for speaking
The existence of primary aggressor laws across jurisdictions exists because victims were being misidentified as perpetrators.
In therapy, this shows up as:
Weaponized systems
False counter-claims
Workplace retaliation
Loss of reputation, stability, and identity
The abuse is devastating.
Being blamed for it is often worse.
The Nervous System Cost of Silence
Trauma does not disappear when ignored.
It embeds itself in the body and nervous system, leading to:
Chronic anxiety and hypervigilance
Depression masked as anger or withdrawal
Substance use to numb pain
Relationship shutdown
Suicidal thoughts no one sees coming
By the time many men reach therapy, they are exhausted from surviving.
Why I Created the YOU TOO Movement
This is why I created the YOU TOO Movement.
After years of sitting with men who were abused at home, harassed at work, discriminated against, retaliated against—and then vilified when they tried to speak—it became clear:
We changed culture for women.
But too many men were left behind.
YOU TOO exists to restore voice, dignity, and safety.
Men can be victims too.
And their experiences matter.
This Is Your Call to Speak
If you are a man who has experienced:
Domestic violence or emotional abuse
Sexual harassment in the workplace
Discrimination or retaliation
Being blamed after reporting abuse
You are not weak.
You are not imagining it.
And you are not alone.
Contact Me — Support Exists. YOU TOO Matter.
Silence may have protected you once.
Healing begins when you are heard.